各位sales专家还有英文专家进来帮帮我好吗？

新马甸甸

一道sales的题目，要求写3封英文信，我英文不好，也没写过这种专业的信。大家帮我改改好吗？谢谢！

题目： the three enquiries you are to answer have been prompted by an ad in the New Zealand Herald for your shoe shop's  anniversary sale. 。。。(我不卖鞋，只是题目)

1, Mr ..has made an enquiry concerning the sizing of men's shoes in the sale. He has gone to the trouble of enclosing a paper cutout of his shoe size. mr..has been living overseas and is not familiar with standard NZ sizes. he lives at 11 xxx,auckland.

You are to inform Mr.xx that his shoe size best matches a NZ 10. It would be best if he came in for a proper fitting.

新马甸甸

my answer:
Mr.XXXX
11 XXX
XXX
Auckland

Dear Mr.XXX
Thank you for your enquiry regarding our advertisement in the New Zealand Herald. We have received your shoe size cutout. Your shoe size cutout matches a standard New Zealand size 10.
Because there are small variations in sizes for different shoes, I suggest you come to our store for a proper fitting to find the best suitable size shoe for you.
If you require further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours sincerely,

madian

新马甸甸

1，        最重要的一点， 当写written information的时候，要求的内容要包括： 1:remind  the customer of what they want to know; 2: give information in a form that they will understand and be able to use; 3: keep it simple.
我觉得我的第一点没有写好，按照这个要求，信的开头我应该提一下客人的问题是什么（换种说法重复一下客人的问题），我不会写，请问大家有没有好的建议？

2，        请大家帮我改改语法拼写之类的错误
3，        格式有问题吗？
4，        叙述上有没有更专业的？


谢谢大家

sammy1112

my answer:
Mr.XXXX
11 XXX
XXX
Auckland

Dear Mr.XXX
Thank you for your enquiry regarding our advertisement in the New Zealand Herald. We have received your shoe size cutout. Your shoe size cu ...
新马甸甸 发表于 2011-1-19 12:43

Because不能放在句首，这貌似是我N年前学习语言时候老师特别纠正的……
换成Due to吧

阿海

There are small variations in sizes for different shoes, hence I suggest you come to our store for a proper fitting to find the best suitable size shoe for you.

Anonymous

LZ是谦虚还是？

新马甸甸

Because不能放在句首，这貌似是我N年前学习语言时候老师特别纠正的……
换成Due to吧
sammy1112 发表于 2011-1-19 13:09

受教了，谢谢！

新马甸甸

太谢谢了，这样就专业多了，我这就改过来。

5# 阿海

新马甸甸

LZ是谦虚还是？
Anonymous 发表于 2011-1-19 13:50

没有谦虚呀，看上去这封信很简单，但是对于我这样的英文水平来说，感觉自己写的很不专业。 我想知道专业的怎样写。这个是拿 retail sales certificate的作业。

新马甸甸

请问大家开始的时候remind customer of what they want to know怎样写？

阳春面

In response to your enquiry about ..., the paper cutout we received matches...

sammy1112

其实说句实在话，我觉得楼主的英文水平已经很好了
平时跟客户或者其他人打交道
那个英文水平
我只流汗

新马甸甸

谢谢，省略号的部分能写全了吗？我就是这部分不知道怎么写呀。

11# 阳春面

新马甸甸

其实说句实在话，我觉得楼主的英文水平已经很好了
平时跟客户或者其他人打交道
那个英文水平
我只流汗
sammy1112 发表于 2011-1-19 15:16

谢谢夸奖，在不断的改进中，平时说起来有时候还是会打哏，不知道怎么说的情况经常发生。

PhoneCareLtd

晕上涨了做作业来了...