经理FORWARD给我的几则小笑话

sammy1112

A man was riding his Harley beside a Sydney beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, The Lord said. 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish..'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to New Zealand so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said; 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought hard about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy'.

The Lord is silent for a long time.  Finally he replies; 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

*******************************************************************************************************************************************

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.  'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.  

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.  

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?  
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!

*******************************************************************************************************************************************For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgroveis an 'Australian treasure!'

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws, you gotta love this!  This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.


It is a portion of an ABC
radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove, who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?



GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?


GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radiocast
went silent for 46 seconds and  when it returned, the interview was over.


[ 本帖最后由 sammy1112 于 2009-9-11 11:00 编辑 ]

since

合辙上帝也听郭得刚

sammy1112

葡萄紫

我也来分享几个，我觉得很好笑的：

How Fights Start...

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was
flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on the TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

> >>>> ******************************************

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you
want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply
saying,
"Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....
> >>>> ******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed,
made
my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up
to
the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind
was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,
and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and
slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 1 year replied, "Can you believe
my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

> >>>> And that's how the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0
to
150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...
> >>>> ******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she
sat
alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I
understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many
years
ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person
could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
> >>>> ******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for
some
reason took my order first.

"I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...
> >>>> ******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom
mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I
feel
horrible; look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

葡萄紫

不过有点不明白的是这个笑话，什么东西goes from 1-150 in about 3 seconds? 她究竟想要的是什么啊？钻石？

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0
to
150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

cnlibra

to LSD:
THE WEIGHT GOES FROM 0-TO WHATEVER IT IS . MEANS THE LADY MIGHT BE TOO FAT

since

原帖由 葡萄紫 于 2009-9-11 11:37 发表
不过有点不明白的是这个笑话，什么东西goes from 1-150 in about 3 seconds? 她究竟想要的是什么啊？钻石？

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want so ...

她本来想要的是跑车我想。

xiaolu

估计他老婆本想要一辆跑车？

sammy1112

意思就是WIFE本来是想要一部跑车
但是HUSBAND却买了一个称回来

[ 本帖最后由 sammy1112 于 2009-9-11 13:14 编辑 ]

sammy1112

原帖由 葡萄紫 于 2009-9-11 11:36 发表
我也来分享几个，我觉得很好笑的：

How Fights Start...

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was
flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on the TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fi ...

"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" —— HaHaHaHa! Classic!

Ti-Amo

Hahaha, good ones, thanks.

雁阵惊寒

LOL。。很好笑的帖！！！我现在生命里就缺这个

sammy1112

谢谢楼上两位的支持